So where do I start...hmmm, life seemed like a walk in the park for me until i hit 14. And then i got my first boyfriend...ohhh howw great he was. We did everything together, we were inseparable. We were together for about 2 months by now n i loved him dearly and he loved me too. Or atleast so he said. I got stares from all kinds of girls because he definitely was a catch and i was a mere eyebrow lifter but ofcourse he said it didnt matter to him. He used to come over to my house. I was young so i knew nothing about sex. He taught me how to kiss, to actually really kiss. He was a great kisser and he showed me and even now i look for a guy that can kiss me the way he used to. We would kiss for hours n then he would finger me. I always thought this was some major issue. Like i would go straight to hell for allowing someone to do this to me. Until i told my bestfriend n she was like well im doing the same thing. So we both felt comfortable. I always told him that im waitin for Mr Right to loose my virginity. He was older then me OFCOURSE n had lost his a longgg time before. He wanted me to have sex, he wanted to have sex but i kept on sayin no. He was right though, why should i give it up to Mr Right when Mr Right might have given it up to someone else.
I needed to loose this thing i thought so i finally gave in and told him ok ill do. On the day he started by kissing me like he always did. He touched me soo gently, so soft that i didnt want him to let me go. Then, from his hard dick rubbing against my leg i could tell it was time. He told me to lie on my back and said that it might hurt. He tried soo hard but he was too big wayyy too big. So i told him i guess it not meant to happen. After this encounter our relationship went downhill. He said that he couldnt be with me because his cousin didint like dark skinned girls. That was his first excuse and not the last.
I felt like nothing, like my world had slipped from under me. I loved him and he ended us because of his COUSIN?...how ridiculous was that. I was crushed inside. I felt like my world was ending. I promised myself to never love again. Why should i? He hurt me so bad. Then after a few days of speaking about everything that our relationship contained we came back to good terms. It almost felt like as if everything was ok again. Like he was mine and i was his. But it was far from the truth. His birthday was coming up, i saved every dollar that i had for his present. My best friend at the time and I actually left school in the morning to go into town to buy him something. I looked everywhere and then i settled on gettin him a silver chain wayyy in my budget but still expensive. Think about it?..I had been saving for months i could buy the world for him if i wanted to.
He broke up with me for the second and last time. He said i was rude to a female cousin of his and he jus couldnt accept that. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THE BITCH WAS HIS COUSIN!!!...what was i to do?
i tried to apologize to him but he didnt want to hear. All this happened before his birthday and when i told him that i had a present for him he pretended to forgive. He came over about a month after his birthday, i gave him his present, and we had one last bedroom run. It didnt feel the same though. I still loved him but he didnt love me at all. It felt like he didnt care. It hurt soo much but i couldnt cry. I was too young and naive. I couldnt tell anyone about it because i was too ashamed i kept it all inside and promised myself never to love someone again wholeheartedly because he had hurt me too much. He had broken every ounce of self worth i had, i felt like nothing and that i meant nothing to everyone. He was my everything and I was his nothing.. I meant nothing to him. Even recanting this story makes me hurt a little inside. I wish i had been wiser. I wish i had someone i could have spoken to at the time. But i didnt. It felt tooo personal to tell my bestfriend, i thought i was the only one who was goin through this. This when the bright and beautiful road i was on turned dark and scary.
